Things People Don’t Talk About Living Abroad

If moving/living abroad was easy, everyone would be doing it. There are many things people don’t talk about living abroad that I have experienced during my first few months in Amsterdam. While there are so, so many amazing things that you experience moving to another country, we can’t discount a few of the downsides that no one seems to want to talk about (for obvious reasons!)

I do not want to deter anyone from taking that leap and moving abroad – I actually recommend it if you are able to! As you do your research on how to follow the steps to officially move abroad, take into consideration a few things you might run into mentally and emotionally once you make the jump.

1. You will miss home at some point.

Some of you might think, “Duh, of course I will miss home” and others might think, “How can I miss home when I am constantly exploring a new country??” When I say you will miss home at some point, it’s in the moments when you wouldn’t expect it.

You might be taking a walk on a Sunday afternoon and it will hit you that you can’t take a 30 minute drive up to your parent’s or friend’s house for dinner like you typically do on Sunday’s. Maybe you are trying to figure out what to get for dinner and have a moment where you wish you were home and could just order your favorite hibachi without a second thought.

You might miss a specific friend that you constantly have “wine nights” with on a random Tuesday to vent about work. But now, it’s 7p in your country, you’re ready to have wine with your friend, and she’s across the world working because it’s only 1p for her.

All of this is to say, be prepared for homesickness to hit you in the small moments – it won’t be all day every day (at least I hope not!) I was lucky enough to move abroad with my husband so I have a support system, though if you move abroad alone I can imagine homesickness might come more often.

Some things I do when I start to feel a wave of sadness being abroad and not home:

• Call a friend or family member! I can’t tell you how many times my mood has been lifted from just making one phone call, even if it’s only for 5 minutes.
• Go on a walk and think about all the reasons why you moved abroad and feel lucky to be in the city/country that you are able to be in.
• Write a letter or a card to someone back home – start a penpalship with a friend! It’s always nice getting a letter in the mail 🙂
• Watch your favorite movie or TV show! This will likely only make you feel better in the short-term, but if you need a little mood booster, this always does it for me. Thank you Charlie for watching countless hours of Desperate Housewives!

2. You might struggle to find your community/friends.

This has been the hardest for me so far. It’s definitely one of the major things people don’t talk about living abroad! If you are an introvert (I’m an extroverted introvert) it can be difficult to find/make friends while living abroad. If you have a job, you can (hopefully) find some friends through your work, though if you move abroad without a job, it’s exponentially harder!

A few ways to meet friends while living abroad:

• Through your job: If you have a job where there are people around your age and share common interests, you are in luck! This is the quickest way to meet people and make some friends.
• Through Meet Up Groups: You can typically find meet up groups by community or common interests. For example, you can find a Photography Group or an Ex-Pats group or a hobby-specific group to join to meet people with common interests. There is a website called MeetUp that you can sign up for and connect with people in your area who are curious about the same things you like.
• Social Media: This sounds strange, but social media connects people now more than ever. If you see a TikTok that resonates with you from someone who lives in your country, DM them! Or comment on their video to connect! This might feel a little uncomfortable but I have connected with a couple of folks abroad through TikTok and Instagram – it works!
• For super extroverts…. Chat it up with people at a bar: This one isn’t for me, I am not confident enough to do this, but I know many people who are! If you are a people person and have no issue chatting it up with folks when you are out, I doubt you will have any issues making friends abroad.

3. You (likely) will miss family/friend events back at home.

Similar to the above about being homesick, you might not be able to go home for certain holidays and family events. If you are able to fly home for every event – AWESOME! Unfortunately for those like myself who can’t afford to fly home 10+ times a year, many people have to pick certain times during the year when they want to go home. Charlie and I have chosen December to head home for ~2 weeks and luckily are stopping home in the US in September due to a wedding that we have to be in attendance for.

This means we are missing graduations, birthdays, 4th of July parties, bridal showers, baby showers, and more. This can be difficult seeing everything through photos family and friend send you or through social media.

Ideas to Still Virtually Attend Events/Make It Special:

• Send the special someone a gift in the mail! Even if it is as small as a card, it will make a difference to the person whose event you are missing. It will also make you feel nice knowing that you are acknowledging the event you are missing.
• Ask if you can dial in virtually. Maybe it’s a wedding and the bride & groom are considering live streaming it! Or maybe it’s a baby shower – ask a friend to FaceTime you for 5 minutes in the beginning or at the end so you can say hi to the group and to the mother-to-be. There might be some events where it isn’t possible to virtually call in, but always ask just in case!
• After the event, call the person (or people) who it was for and ask how it went. Get the down low! Did Aunt Martha get too drunk? Who won the diaper game? How did your brother do walking across the stage to get his diploma? The more information you know, the more you will feel like you were there.

4. You might make friends & they end up leaving.

A lot of people live abroad for a set amount of time. Their company could send them on a time-specific project where they are only living in the country for 6-9 months, or maybe they are on a 2-year Visa, etc. There are many reasons why people just do a short stint abroad versus moving indefinitely (like we did!)

As you make friends, you are bound to make some friends who are only abroad for a short amount of time. These people might become your best friends which means two things. 1) Soon, you don’t be able to see them weekly. But also, 2) you now have a friend in another country you can go visit! This one isn’t a horrible thing that people don’t talk about living abroad – it ultimately can be really fun. 🙂

5. If you get sick/hurt/feel anxious – it’s 10x worse being abroad.

This one wasn’t something I expected. I am lucky that I have Charlie here to lean on and to help me out, but there are others who aren’t as lucky and I feel this is important to call out.

Having a large support system at home makes being sick or hurt easier – your mom can stop by with food if you aren’t able to cook for yourself. Your friend can stop by and visit with you if you can’t leave your home for whatever reason. When you are by yourself abroad, you don’t have friends and family to help you out when you need it the most (unless someone buys a plane ticket to come visit!)

I have personally experienced this when I pinched a nerve in my arm at the gym and my mental health spiraled. I was not familiar with the healthcare system abroad; I didn’t have my normal doctor I could call up; I wasn’t sure if my hurt arm was something worse and how would that be handled? I have hurt myself back in the US before and was able to heal quickly and efficiently but being abroad really scared me since everything is so new.

Here are some tips I have for working on your mental health while living abroad:

• Call friends and family often. When I say often, that term is relative – if you typically speak to your mom every day when you were in your home country, try to keep that up while living abroad, or at least every other day. Try to keep up your communication with your strongest supporters as much as you can.
• If you are nervous about something specific (ex: how to find a doctor), do your research and educate yourself on it so that you are prepared. For me, I don’t know how to get to the hospital if I need to, I don’t know the equivalent of 911, I just wasn’t comfortable with the healthcare system as I was living at home. I Googled where the nearest hospitals are, what I should dial in an emergency, and got a General Practitioner set up so that I could feel more comfortable in my new city.
• Get a therapist (if you feel you need it). This isn’t for everyone and not everyone needs it, but it has helped me! It feels good to talk about your fears or what is making you anxious/nervous about living abroad.
• Exercise & get outside! Going for a walk outside can clear your head when you are having moments of questioning while living abroad.
• Plan things to look forward to! I plan weekend trips to other cities in the Netherlands, multi-day trips to other countries, etc. This makes me excited about the future and gives me something to look forward to each week!

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Overall, there are many things people don’t talk about living abroad, but don’t let that change your mind about making the leap! If you are considering moving to Amsterdam, take a look at our comprehensive guide for moving to Amsterdam from the US!